| "The road of excess leads to a palace of FABULOUSNESS!" |
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| c.h. :) |
[25 Nov 2008|01:37pm] |
Chris...
todays distraction is Chris.
lets just say it, im into him.
and i cant stop thinking about him...
this weekend, i got into it with my roomate. this was thursday at the bar. when we got home i was so pissed i locked her out of our room and she slept on the couch.
i didnt have to work until 5pm the next day, so i just stayed in my room the whole day.
when i left for work, i packed a bag, and convinced Chris to come get me from work.
when we got to his house, we desided to stay up and play WoW. we were up til 4am.
we slept until 5pm the next day.
when we woke up, we started playing WoW again. haha
i hand him my credit card and tell him to order a pizza.
we stay up til 7am watching scrubs.
we wake up at 1pm.
we watch more scrubs.
he says hes in the mood for a buffet.
we actually leave his house arould 5 for dinner.
he says, "we missed day light again!" (his room has no windows)
when we get there, he pays. :)
i am dreading going home but i need a shower and new clothes. haha
i whine the whole way home about not wanting to go but i know i have to, and he goes, "woman! (i love when he calls me that. :) ), i need some me time!:)" and laughs at me.
haha, me too... i guess... :)
that nite i have a dream we get married. haha
and my dress was AWESOME!
:)
:):)
:):):)
-t.d.
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| w.w.obama.d.? |
[25 Nov 2008|12:00pm] |
sorry to anyone whos page this ends up on. i just need to rant and cant find anywhere to do it...
why is it that when im into a guy, EVERYSINGLEGUY that ive ever talked to in my entire life starts texting me and i have to turn them away, but as soon as im looking for some lovin, theyre nowhere to be found?
why is it that when i have money, im so irresponsible with it? then im broke and freaking out about how im going to pay my bills when just 3 months ago i blew over $400 on A SINGLE pair of shoes?
why is is that i have like 6 LAMB items i want to sell and no one is interested in buying them?
why did i have to get bit IN THE FACE by a spider 2 months ago and it still wont go away making me feel like everyones always staring at it? I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!! i feel like a leper!
why did i have to get quite possibly the most beautiful perfect roomate in the history of roomates, that quickly became my best friend, and even more quickly, my biggest enemy?
why do i have to be broke right before xmas, when all i want is to go the the Kings of Leon concert, and buy a wireless card for my laptop and i can afford NOTHING? including my rent?
why did i have to sit in the unemployment office for 3 hrs yesterday to find out i did my stuff wrong and wont see any of the money from the 5 weeks i was jobless?
why does God love to torture me til my heart hurts so bad that i think it might just break into 1 million pieces in my chest, and then make it so that i have that tiny little thread keeping me alive?
why do people i hated in highschool friend me on facebook just bc they knew me?
the only thing giving me hope right now is knowing that Obama is going to be our president in tee minus 56 days, and hes about 3 blocks away from me at this very moment. ah, a slight sigh of relief. :)
-t.d.
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| hey, can you sew my pants? |
[13 Nov 2008|12:47pm] |
myspace is usually my central location for shit like this, but as we all know, myspace tends to have eyes in the walls. so here we go lj. take the bullet for me.
hide my thoughts from others today.
so there is this boy... yes. trish and a boy. usually how these things start...
i like this boy thats a bouncer at my local bar. we will never date. ever. even if he wanted to date me, id tell him no. so thats the most pointless crush EVER. but thats not the point. just an important side note.
my roomate is a virgin. and wants to stay that way.
yet another important side note.
so since i like this boy, she desided she needed to like a bouncer too.
so she picked the other cute one.
the guy i like is more like the type she goes for and vice versa. she even said she dated a boy that she thought looked "exactly" like the boy i like. which weirded me out. (for the recond, i saw pics of her ex and i dont think they look alike at all.)
so once again, let me say, shes a virgin. BUT she likes to flirt and drink and dance and TEASE the fuck out of guys. with out warning them that she wont go any further beyond making out and a little fondling. and this is where i come in, having to constantly peel guys off of her.
so back to the guy that she desided to like.
she got his number. they txt a bit. he asked her for my number. that wierded her out. but then i found out she gave my guy her number on the sly. which is bull shit. REGARDLESS to whether i would ever date "my guy", she knew how i felt about him, what wed gone thru and the whole weird relationship we have, as bouncer/regular, drinking team teamates, VERY secret lovers.
so i start txting with her guy, and we get friendly. we joke about a threesome, and im NOT into him. were just joking.
we (the three of us) end up meeting at his house and drink, ALOT.
we end up all 3 laying around his room, and he makes out with her. and then with me. thats all. it was funny. b/c we were just kidding about the threesome thing. thatd be weird with my roomate.
a few nites later, we all get together again with this AMAZING guy Mark that i like. :)
oh, another side note: me and Kristen share a bedroom. k, moving on...
i make out with mark and she makes out with bouncer #2.
the next day, we all hang out with our other roomie, have lunch and watch movies.
bouncer boy gives me a ride to work.
couple days go by and he askes me if i wanna go out drinking with him and his friends. (my roomie is 20, so she can only get into a few places).
she thinks this is weird, and i feel weird about it, even tho i dont know why because at this point i have NO feelings for this dude, other than im excited that i have a new guy friend in my life.
so i go. were both old enuff and ive never been to this bar hes talks about.
we end up at a karaoke bar tho, and longer story short, we get in a fight and i end up walking home crying. and i cant for the life of me figure out why im so upset.
he calls me like 15 times on my way home, and every couple of times it rings i pick it up. we talk and he pisses me off and i hang up on him. (WTF is my problem?!) he says he cares about me. if he didnt he wouldnt call back 15 times.
i get even more weirded out. he cares about me?! in a friend way right?!
so i tell him i dont want to be his friend anymore. (what is this?! second grade? "i dont want to be your friend anymore"?)
the next day i miss him.
i cant stop thinking about that fight.
me and my roomie go to the Obama rally.
200 thousand people there, and guess who walks by...
i txt him. can we forgive and forget?
yes.
the next day he txts me to meet him downtown for sushi. i tell him only if its at thai spoon. he says thats the only place he gets sush. WHOA.
we get dinner.
he skips class.
we go to his apt and play rockband and drink champs and beers.
we watch ren and stimpy... and get a little cozy on the couch.
his arm goes around me, like those cheesey movies.
we deside to watch a movie in his room.
we end up making out. and it was HOT.
we go to bed.
we wake up, he takes me home.
we do it again the next day...
we txt eachother when i get home.
"our friendship is weird, isnt it?" i say.
"i guess so" he says.
meanwhile, me and my roomie are getting weird around eachother. ive been hanging out with him and aweful lot, she observes. ya, hes my friend, i retort.
why am i defensive? why am i hiding?
we ahd talked about him before this had even escalated, and she told me ho NOT into him she was. she thought his txts were boring. but she never missed a chance to point out that he txt me more than her. well, i guess we have alot more in common...
so we go out to our bar for thursday nite dollar beers.
we always do. nothing different.
Mark shows up. :) boy how i adore that boy. :) hes so good looking and cute and fun... and hot and...
me and mark meet and grab eachother right away and start making out in the bar. (did i mention how fucking HOT he is?!)
i look at my phone.
i got a txt from bouncer boy.
"whos the guy with the stupid green spider web tattoo?"
"its mark silly. :) remember? he was in my bed when u were in kristens a few nites ago?"
i left with mark. hot mark. :)
next day, i had a hair apt. then a doctors apt. i txt my bouncer friend from McDs, b4 my hair apt.
he asks what happened to me last nite and if me and mark hooked up.
i tell him the truth.
no. we didnt. we did stay up all nite hanging out with his friends listening to music.
he tells me he wants to hang after my apts and he gets off work. he says he wants to take a nap. i say the same.
we meet up, and i do just that. crawl into his bed and pass out. :)
we hang out we hang out and we hang out some more.
its getting to be every day i realize, after my roomie says she wants to start renting out my bed.
saturday rolls around.
we go to our usual spot.
bouncer boy tells me he wants me to stay the nite with him.
i dont know how to get out of going home...
i tell my roomie that im going out for breakfast with my friend Samdy after.
why did i lie?!
so she leaves, knowing i lied.
i hang out for a bit.
i buy bouncer a shot and gives me his house key...
oh shit, im sneaking around now...
she said she didnt like him!
on my drunk walk to his house, my roomate calls.
i annswer:
"hey."
"hey."
"where you at?"
"walkin."
"walkin where?"
"down the street."
"samdy didnt come get you?"
"no."
"well then where you walkin?"
"around."
"whats ur destination?"
"..........Chris's"
"huh..."
"...ya"
"ok..."
i get to his house and we talk for a bit about things.
then he gets home.
so we end our convo in the middle of it. it was gettin good too! damn!
we end up getting pretty hot and heavy. but we dont hook up.
until the morning.
and again the next day.
and weve been hanging out pretty much everyday still.
he had a really bad day and didnt want to be around anyone. i felt bad and wanted to cheer him up. so i invited him to chilis with me and mb and zach. he was too bummed to come. so i brought him chips and salsa and left then at his door and txt him that i left it for him. about 20 mins later, he asked me to come back and hang out with him. :)
i think were starting to like eachother.
because we both txt eachother with nothing to say, just trying to come up with a reason to hang out.
"hey can you sew my pants?"
"sure!"
i take em home.
later he txts me while hes at work at like 3 am while im sewing them.
"damn, i forgot, i need those pants for work tomarrow at noon..."
"well there almost done. u wanna swing by and get em after work or in th morning?"
"u wanna just come over when i get off work? (@5am)"
"sure.:)"
"well, what kind of alcohol do you want? im buyin."
"rum."
"what kind?"
"malibu"
"k, see you in a few hrs"
i fell asleep, and woke up at 9 am. freakign out! he called and txt me a few times when he got off work and my dumbass slept thru it! ahhhh!
i felt so bad.
i txt him sry a million times. haha
i had mbs bf drop me off over there, not even knowing if hed answer the door...
and he did. :)
i said sorry agian a million more times and cuddled up to him in bed and said, "ur not kad at me are you?" and he smiled and kinda laughed at me and said, "no. :)"
and i said "good:)"
then he said, "u know, i didnt really NEED those pants today..."
:)
he ended up calling in and didnt even have to go to work. so we spent the whole day together.
crap.
all this typing to ask:
we like eachother dont we?
to already have the answer...
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| i know better... |
[13 Nov 2008|12:44pm] |
When I first met you I knew you were the one
'Til you took me home and I met her
She had your boxers on
She was listening to your song
And I thought right then that you had everything
But I knew she was jealous from the start
Yeah
I knew she was jealous from the start
'Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
Oh
I know better than that
I know better
You play the victim and I'll be the bad guy
I know better than that
I know better
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
We started hanging around after nine
I could've sworn that I was yours
You looked at me and said, "It's a little too late for bed"
We went to the hotel and talked about everything
But I knew she was jealous from the start
Yeah
I knew she was jealous from the start
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
'Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
Oh
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
(Oh oh)
I know better than that
I know better
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
You play the victim and I'll be the bad guy
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
(Oh oh)
I know better than that
I know better
(Ah)
What she did to us was tragic
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
(Ah)
And I have to do what's right
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
(Ah)
What we had was really magic
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
(Ah)
But I have to get what's mine
Oh
What's mine
I'll get what's mine and you'll get yours
'Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
Oh
I know better than that
I know better
You play the victim and I'll be the bad guy
I know better than that
I know better
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
Oh
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
(Oh oh)
I know better than that
I know better
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
You play the victim and I'll be the bad guy
(Oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh)
(Oh oh)
I know better than that
I know better that that
I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
Oh
I know better than that
I know better
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| big fat F |
[06 Aug 2008|01:58pm] |
school makes me feel like a failer.
i cant even spell failer.
evern day that im in class, i just want to stand up and run out the door screaming.
my teacher will ask the class if we get it. i will say no. she will move on anyway.
whats the point?
i dont know how im ever going to graduate.
-t.d.
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[18 Mar 2008|04:26pm] |
i wanna be in love.
its been a really REALLY long time since i felt that way about a boy.
like, really.
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| fun kelsey moments from oct 2004: |
[11 Mar 2008|04:53pm] |
i actually remember these moments!
wow...
Seth and i talked on the phone last nite until about 2 am!
and i thought that i was gonna get to sleep until 9:20am, when my alarm was set to go off, but instead i got a wakeuo call from...
drum roll...
Kelsey! at 8am! geez!
"She said i made you breakfast so get up!" and i said "ok", half asleep still, and hung up. Shortly after, I called her back and asked if that ment that i had to get up and drive to her house. She said no, that she was on her way and would be here soon. So, a few minutes later, she arrived, McDonald's bag in hand, (HA! "made breakfast", lol). She went in the kitchen, (i was cuddling on the couch with myself in a blanket, b/c it was freezing when i woke up, (which is BAD Seth!, lol), and got napkins and drinks. She came back in, and pulled out a hashbrown for each of us, and a sausage, egg and cheese McGiddle!!! That was the awesomest thing ever! I don't know who i love more, Kels or Seth! lmao!
That made my day go really good! I couldn't believe how good of a day i had by having a good morning! I was actually nice to the people i work with. And they are all assholes!
Well, Seth is on the phone, so now i cant concentrate on typing.
nite guys!
-trish
Kels and i spent the day together yesterday. and this is what we did:
We went to Borders (to look at books), and Inspire Me (to check out the Dessert lipgloss from Jessica Simpson), and then we went and got Scott from work, and then we went to Scotts dads for dinner (chili!, yum!), and then we dropped him off at Nick's and went back to Kelsey's. I pigged out all day! we used the computer a bit and i talked to Seth. (and HOLY SHIT!, he actually wrote in his LJ!!! lol). I thought that he was going to come over with Daniel, but as usual, his parents had to fuck it up. Oh well...
So today, Kels got up at 7am to take Scott to work, and then at 9am, she took Rufie to the vet. Then at like 11:30, i went to the Krispie Kreme, (my new second job!!!), to fill out some paper work and then i had to go get a drug test. I'M DRUG FREE! YAY!!! and then i picked up my perscription refill for my girly pills, and then met Kels back at her house and she cooked a feast for lunch! we had sandwiches like the one's at Charley's Steakery, and veggies with dip, and potato soup, and fries, and tea, and pumkin cookie thingys.
And now, we are being lazy...
I sent Nee the rest of the $$$ through paypal for my hair, (I CANT WAIT TIL IT GETS HERE!!!), and mom-eh got me and Kels little LAMB purses that were on sale on the site!!! yay!, more lamb stuff!!!
I WANT TO SEE SETH!!! the week his parents were gone was such a tease!!! GAYNESS!!!!!!!!
I need to find a way to make time for Brit-NAY and Caring! I plan on staying with Brit the day before my promo since its down the street from her house. and i want to go to the show this weekend if its not far away... we'll see...
my boyfriend needs to call...
-trish
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| october.november 2004: |
[11 Mar 2008|04:43pm] |
oh, my, gawd. haha, these entries are so old. back when i first became a lamb lover. back when seth and i were gonna get married. back when there wasnt a lot of responsibility. when life was fun. cute. simple. complicated. amazing.
So, i'm a big loser and just waited 2 hours at Best Buy in line to get my boyfriend a gift. See, i know he would want Halo 2, so i stood freezing until midnite to be THE 1ST(!) to get it for him. i special ordered it about a month ago, but the excitement of being the first person to be rung up, out of about 60 was fun. (So there it is Seth, now you know what i got for you.)
i got to talk to people in line for a while which is always fun, cause i like to talk, and they didn't seem to mind my jabbering. yes, that's right, i jabber... until you shut me up ill jabber on and on and on.....
i'm sleepy. *yawn*
it's bed time for this sweet, loving, awesome, cool, grrrrrreat, buys-my-boyfriend-everything girl. (i can't help it, i like to buy him stuff! lol) gotta love me! (i really hope you like it Seth!)
i love you sexxay boy!!!
-trish
i love my boyfriend lots and lots. i wish i could see him right now, but he had to go to church b/c of his crazy pastor dad, and angel obsessed mama! not that church is bad, i just wish he was here with me!!!
and i have just spent nearly maybe 2 hours looking at lamb bags. i cant wait til kels posts the pictures that she took of our bags!!! (14 between the 2 of us) i need more lamb. i cant wait til i can afford another one. (sorry baby! i cant help it, im addicted!)
and i have a headache so bad that i think im gonna go puke now. bye!
-trish
i am really excited, b/c last nite i talked to Seth, and i was whinning about how the icon pebble toaster bag was sold out, and i really wanted to buy it, and he was like "why is it sold out already?" and i said, "cause LAMB girls REALLY LOVE THEIR LAMB!" and he was like, "i didnt want to tell you this, but i was going to buy that one for you for x-mas, so if they dont restock them, find another one you like and ill get that for you."
yay!!! one more to add to the collection!!! lol i LOVE my boyfriend!!!
-trish
Ok, so, as stupid as it was to spend $100 on fake hair, (and that just the down payment,) i'm really excited about it! Nee rawks, and i'm sure shes going to make an even more amazing wig than i'm expecting...
Funny story:
Yesterday was the last day that Seth's parents were going to be out of town. So, he called me, and asked me to come get him from his sisters house in Wakarusa. We went to his house and i and i started to get ready for work. We were taking a shower, (and we've done it before, so i don't get what was so difficult about this time), but anyways... Seth tried to get passed me to get in the water and slipped. He tried to grab onto the shower curtain, but it gave way and ripped off the wall. Not just the curain, but the whole rod! We finished rinsing off without a curtain, and then he got out and tried to fix it while i was still in the shower. But he slipped again and knocked his moms candle holder off the wall, and it broke in the sink. it all happened in about 2 minutes. And it was the funniest thing i ve EVER witnessed! I love him! He made me laugh for the rest of the day, and now, thinking back at it. LMAO LMAO LMAO!!! man, i think i made him feel bad, but i couldn't help it! it was SO FUNNY! (Babe, i still love you!)
I made it to work, barely, and continued to laugh for almost a 1/2 an hour!
After work Seth called, and i went over to his house. I brought Mean Girls, cause i wanted to watch it with him, but 1: he had been drinking, and Drinking Seth = Sexy Seth. and 2: his rents would be home before the movie would have ended. But he did give me a back rub, and um,,, err...uhhh... ya. you know. so...
i'm gonna go, cause i have to get ready for work. lol
bye all!
-trish
Now for a list of random events, in no particular order...
I GOT MY LAMB PURSE TODAY!!! AND IT RAWKS!!!
Me and Kels had a picnic today, of mashed potatoes, potato chips, tea, and pumkin cookie thingys.
Caring and Josiah came in to work tonite. i wish i had more time in the week to hang out with them... we'll have to set up a plan for a double date soon...
Patricia for Accesories, (at my work), came over to my house last nite for dinner. We ended up eating half a crock pot of soup, beer bread, cider with spiced rum, and cake! We had the longest convo, and i got to know ALOT about her. It was fun.
Adam said that he might be leaving Guitar Center soon for a job at Aflac selling Insurance... and i told him to keep me posted if they need a receptionest, b/c quite frankly, Guitar Center has just become too much of a hastle, and too little of a good thing...
Mom has been cooking alot lately... so i can now feel my metabolism slowing down, and feel myself gaining weight! i dont want to get fat!!!
and one last thing:
I excersised for the first time in 3 years a few days ago, and my body STILL hurts.
thats all for now. talk to you all later!
sike! you didn't think that i would forget about my boyfriend now did you?!
And Seth, I MISS YOU! COME HOME!!! I want to take a shower!!! love you!
-trish
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| steal from my friends and ur stealing from me... |
[10 Mar 2008|02:27pm] |
so i cant post this on myspace b/c everyone knows everyone can see everything on myspace.
yesterday, i was at Niccis.
for those of u that dont know, im living on her couch until April 1st b/c thats when ill be in student housing again.
anyways, my day consisted of:
waking up at around 2.
talking to nicci on the phone, b/c they went to the parade. she was drunk and having fun.
i hung out with Luigi for a bit. (her dog)
took a shower.
blow dried my hair.
got dressed.
did my make up.
left for work, out the FRONT door.
when i leave, i run into her roomate aaron, (who isnt really a roomate, cause his stuffs there, but he stays at his girlfriends everynite, so we see him only like a couple times a month.) i talk to him for a few minutes and then continue on to work. he goes in the apartment.
about an hour later i get a txt from nicci.
n: "did u leave the back door unlocked?"
t: "no, maybe aaron did, he was just there"
n: "no, aarons the one that told me it was unlocked"
t: "well i went out the front door when i left for work, so i dont know"
she gets home, and $$$ is missing out of her room.
she freaks out, (duh) and asks me about it.
basically it was either me or aaron that took it. and i didnt. which means...
and now she cant trust either of us.
but it sucks worse for me b/c she doesnt trust me now and im staying in her house.
she said i cant be there alone now. which is totally understandable, but i didnt fucking do it.
and the fact that i know who did pisses me off even more...
so i txt aaron and ask him whats going on. he says he came in, grabbed some shoes and left.
and i thought about it;
his bedroom is in the front of the house. he would have been no where near the back door to have noticed that it was unlocked...
theres no way.
so im thinking, he made that up so he wouldnt get accused. but really, the fact that he even mentioned that makes it even more obvious to me that he did it, b/c the door WAS locked. neither me, nicci or col left it unlocked the nite before. and i was there all day...
so what do i do? i cant prove that he did it, just like i cant prove that i didnt do it...
i dont want to accuse him, b/c hes my friend too, but i KNOW that it wasnt me, and theres no one else it could have been...
this fucking sucks.
-t.d.
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| giving out your number to hot guys on the street is so worth it: |
[14 Mar 2007|04:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
omg, i just had coffee (well carmel apple cider) with the man of my dreams... :)
his name is andrew.
hes an illistration major, painting minor at the school of the art institute.
hes from colorado.
hes been all over europe.
he thought it was cute that i have little buisness cards with my phone # on them. :)
he has perfect teeth, beautiful hazel eyes, and the cutest seth cohen hair. :)
he smelled so good :)
hes going to be living up in wrigleyville very soon.
he asked me if i was single.
did i mention he was hot?! :)
and he just text me, "did i mention your beautiful!"
i think im in love :)
-trish
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| good bye my lover, good bye my friend: |
[12 Mar 2007|12:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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james blunt, "good bye my lover" |
] |
"every dot com's refreshing for a journal update"...
i am having the best time EVER since i moved to chicago.
aarons is here now.
and at first that was a scary thought.
now were hanging out daily, and hes shown me tons of good food places in his neighborhood. (theres also a TON of hot artzy guys in his dorm and around where he lives.) :)
ive been helping him with his school projects, and hes helped me with re-socializing.
i guess i just had a revalation that you really cant expect anything out of anyone.
no matter who they are.
so i desided that my friendship with him was one of the best times of my life years ago, and that i could have that without wanting to date him again.
i know how that story ends already, and would NEVER get myself involved in that again, but he is a really fun guy to be around, and we love the same stuff, and were now in the same city, so why not be friends?
my thought is, i ruined some of the best friendships of my life by either having sex with them, or trying to date them. when me and seth were friends things were fine. visiting him and letting shit happen (repeatedly) was prolly the worst idea ever. but God did it make me happy at the time...
if i could take it back and just been his friend, i would have been happier right now. we would still be friends, i wouldnt be jealous of him getting back together with Alison, (cause he never would have been with me to leave me for her), and we would have stayed friends, prolly forever.
and he never would have hurt me. never would have said the cruel things he did just to feel good about his decision. "all you need now is a gun and a suicide note"? "your easy"?!
since when does becoming friends with an ex mean im easy?! you wanted to be friends right after you dumped me, prolly so when you got sick of her, youd still have me to fall back on. news flash: you did that to me twice with her, (REMEMBER WHEN YOU CHEATED ON HER BEFORE, AND NO IT WASNT JUST A KISS, DOES SHE KNOW THAT YET?) i would have never fallen for it again. so would being YOUR friend have made me easy too?
you hurt me really bad, and the thought of me being with aaron kills you, but i dont intend to be anything by friends with him.
if it did tho, (never would, but lets just throw this out there) what difference would it make to you? you chose her instead of me. you lead me to believe our dream of a perfect little life was actually becoming a reality, and then you ripped it out of my reach. after i called places for you for a job, after i showed you the apartment wed be living in together. after buying a wedding dress. after waiting 5 years for things to work themselves out.
but her love is so much better than mine.
what the fuck does that even mean?
you say i dont know her, but when the fuck did she get to know me to be able to say that about me? she has no idea how much i loved you.
does she own a wedding dress that she bought to marry you? didnt think so...
im pretty sure i was more serious about being with you forever.
whatever tho right? my words dont matter now. because i got upset that you chose her, now im the bad person. its ok to hurt me, but God forbid she be sad. you act like i have no feelings, no heart. like i will bounce back fast and therefore never cared in the first place right? no. its just that im 21 years old now. an adult. sick of little kid games. and ive been through enuff shit in my life to know that im just sick of sitting around dwelling on something i cant fix. laying around crying over you wont change the fact that i cant be with you, so why not try and be happy?
her love was no better than mine and you know it. shes the easy one.
i was supposed to just sit back and wait til your done with her again, and then youd be back again right? isnt that what you pretty much said to me recently?
fuck you. i will not allow you to treat me this way. i will not allow you to say cruel things to me, when/because im having lunch with someone you dont like. that weather you want to believe it or not, is/has helped me to get over you. and this time all he had to do was be my friend.
i dont regret what happened before with him either now. he made me forget all the pain our relationship was causeing me back then. im so glad that i got to experience that relationship instead of waiting for your dumb ass to hurt me.
youll never forget me. i dont care what you say. this will eat at you forever.
are you glad you got your revenge? im sure youve been plotting that for years now. i bet thats the only reason alison exists. so you have someone to hurt me with.
"good bye my lover. good bye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the one for me for me."
-trish
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| theresa can eat my shit... |
[05 Mar 2007|02:47pm] |
i guess if other girls arent happy, then im not aloud to be either...
theresa totally wants you. you just cant see it b/c you are too busy defending your "friendship"... theres more drama where that came from. i bet that bitch is just laughing at me, planning her next move. bet she answers her door naked tonight when you go over there and you take the bait, cause you cant resist the chance to hurt me now.
and i never would hurt allison on purpose, but i love you. im aloud to. you are my boyfriend.
im not going to live my life hiding anymore. im sick of being ur secret b/c your scared someone will get hurt... honestly, thats not my problem. and ive been more than kind about this.
ive been your secret for years. just embrace me. embrace what we have. stop shoving me in the closet and feeding me bread crumbs.
if you really want to be with me, you would be.
you wouldnt need to "think".
there is nothing to think about.
do you love me?
then there is your answer.
i gave you my VERY LAST $15 to get you home safely. i shared everything with you this weekend. my food, my bed, my feelings...
i love you, and i dont care who knows.
and now that ive told everyone i know about us and about how happy i am to be with you, im going to be so embarrassed when i have to see them again and they ask about you.
what do you want me to do? do you like 3 girls fighting over you? cause thats what you have. 3 sad, angry girls. you cant please everyone. so decide which one of us is the most important. b/c i am so sick of being pushed in the corner by boys that "love me"... you cant ditch me to console theresa and allison. neither of then will ever be satisfied.
tell theresa congrats. i guess shes the winner of this round.
i hate that bitch, and i dont care if you like that or not. ill hate her forever for the pain she caused me this weekend. i cant believe you let her get away with that shit. you cant possibly love me that much if you saw how upset i was over her ridiculous attempts to throw herself at you, and did NOTHING about it.
gotta go find the pieces of my heart now too and pick em up. perhaps me and allison can help each other. cause i bet they are mixed together in a pile. in theresa's possession...
& dont worry, to prevent any more pain and drama on allisons end, this entry has bee posted friends only.
i love you,
-trish
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| wrote this sometime in september 2004 too: |
[28 Feb 2007|01:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
oh, and i love Seth! everyone should love a Seth. It's great.
do you think that i am kidding?! GO GET YOURSELF A SETH AND LOVE HIM GOD DAMN IT!!!
thanks,
trish
wow. i fucking love him.
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| old old old entry |
[28 Feb 2007|01:38pm] |
i found this in an entry form 2004. made me miss my kelsey:
I woke up to a call from Kels at like 11:30 am. I went to her house for lunch, and when i got there, she had made tuna for sandwiches, water with lemon, (LOL), and chip and salsa. We had a picnic, until this yucky bug started fighting with us. We finished our lunch inside, and ended up eating doughnuts and pumpkin pie too. We're pigs...]
:)
-trish
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| dreamsfuckwithyourhead... |
[29 Jan 2007|12:38pm] |
i always prayed to God to just kill Aaron so that i would have no choice by to get over him.
Last nite i had a dream someone shot him and he died. so im just going to pretend that it really happened.
i was supposed to be involved in the murder of like 4 other people and i had a gun and i was with the group of people when they killed a few of them. but i just could bring myself to shoot anyone. & he wasnt on my list. i had no idea that he was going to be killed. when i went home, i found out that he was one of the people who had been killed and in my dream we were living together. i was questioned by the cops and since i didnt shoot anyone, they left me alone after that. and i had to go through all this stuff of ours. and it sucked. there was a walk in closet full of stuff from our past. i dunno if that means that i have skeletons in my closet and unfinished business or what, but i do have a plastic container full of stuff from our relationship on the highest shelf in my closet...
damn it, i wish hed go back to Goshen...
im ready for cali when its ready for me.
-trish
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[24 Jan 2007|12:32pm] |
"like omg i bought this juicy couture umbrella and some juicy couture tube socks. it made me feel fancy!"
"omg i love stuff that makes me feel fancy! i bought a bra from vitorias secret that made me boobs look like so HUGE!"
thats the crap i have to listen to sitting behind these ANNOYING FUCKING GIRLS in science class.
they were talking about how great of a movie "dreamgirls" was, and i just laughed. i said "id NEVER go see that". they were like "OMG, WHY?!" and i was like "b/c i dont want to watch beyonce play herself. all she does is play charaters like herself." some other girl chimed in agreeing with me. and they were like, "omg you dont even know. that movie was like the best movie ever..."
and now they are trying to be all nice to me.
it feels like highschool.
kels i know you can agree with me here.
as much as i LOVE fashion and movies, im so glad im not like that...
i cant wait til girls like that are saving up their money to buy clothes that i designed... :) hahaha...
-trish
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[11 Dec 2006|02:22pm] |
so life is good. :)
i came back to lj cause myspace caused alot of pain in my life.
stupid to think a website could do that to someone, but for those of you that have it, you know what im saying. havent been on in about a month. dont think ill go back, even to cancel it...
i found out today from my teacher that even if i write my final paper, i wont pass my english class... prolly the easiest class ive had here, and since i blew off a couple classes then got pnemonia i will have to take it again... what ah waste of $1400 of my money...
i went to german fest and i got a weiner schitzle and a beer. a $7 beer. toatlly worth it. it got me full and wasted.
i think im going to shop drunk since my teacher said that theres no point in my coming back to class...
-trish
LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
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| boozing and making plans to booze! |
[16 Sep 2006|05:04pm] |
so its tiberiu's bday party tonite...
hes in the shower right now getting ready.
were going to get steak at Lonestar first, YUM!
then to booze it up. :)
so i desided that im going to work ALOT the week after finals so that i can come to chicago the next week. im coming up sunday (oct 1st) nite after work (6pm) and then im coming back to chicago either thursday (oct. 5th) nite or friday (oct 6th) morning...
yep! i told you id try and i AM!
so if any of you want to see me, call me or write me on here, and we can try to work something out...
i wish i had $$$ to bring with b/c i would love to get my ear pierced at point blank while i was in town since i wont be coming back for a while. (my job wont let us take days off around thanksgiving/xmas/newyyears...)
k, hes out of the shower now, so see ya! :)
-trish
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| southbend bound? |
[14 Sep 2006|02:14pm] |
so i got back here a little sooner than i thought:
i have to work in about an hour, so i thought id update really quick.
myspace is acting up. the servers all buzy, blah blah blah. im sick of having the error sign pop up. all i want to do is type what i have to fucking say!
so turns out the ex said that if he was dating me again, itd be different this time. he also said that hes crazy about me. hm...
hes suposed to be moving here, but like i said, im not going to count my chickens before they hatch. when he gets here, then well see. i feel so bad knowing that i could break Tiberiu's heart at any moment. it kills me. but i dont think hes the one, so why is it that it hurts so much to do this? i dunno. im talking ahead of myself again....
so ya, i think im going to find a way to get to south bend soon. moms always whinning to see me. so is seth. and i think i need a girly nite with my Kelsey. i need my toes painted! and i need that annoying tv to be one keeping me awake. and i need the tuna sandwiches and chips and salsa. and i need some hacienda. and i need the tuff-ie in my face making me sneeze. ok, i dont really want to be sneezing, but i do miss tuff-ie... and mom-eh. even if she did blow me off, haha.
so ya, im going to try to get there.
promise.
-trish
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| shit that needed to be gotten off my chest: |
[13 Sep 2006|12:50pm] |
so i know i havent been here in FOREVER, but too many people are on myspace, and i think people forgot that i have a livejournal. so i guess im here for the privacy, lol.
not sure when ill be back after this post is listed. might be some months again.
but im sick of the people. im sick of the nasty things that go on in that place. im sick of the, "why didnt you except me as a friend?!" b.s. PEOPLE! i got a second myspace to start over, and i dont check the old one. EVER. so get over it. add me on my new page or i wont ever see it.
blah.
i should be sketching right now.
but i feel like i am in a very dark place right now, so i cant.
i feel like there is a boy in my life that just wont ever go away. and all he keeps doing is hurting me! and im fucking sick of it! i wish he would just stay out or get in. stop dipping one toe in and then jumping out and then coming back and then leaving again... LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to.
im sick of school. it take so much to get me out of bed to go in the morning. it shouldnt be that way... maybe i need to take a quarter off. go back to south bend for a week or 2. but i wouldnt be able to afford my bills... maybe next quarter...
i wish that when this quarter ends that i could do that. but ill prolly just work more hours those weeks...
i think i need to spend time with some of my south bend people. i feel like im loosing some of them. 2 in particular...
i dunno. i just need to get away from everything that is destracting me here.
i wish that he wasnt moving to chicago. is it wrong for me to want to text him and tell him to stay where he is? not to invade my territory? i feel like baring my fangs and saying stay the fuck away or prepare to get bitten...
he doesnt deserve to be here. who am i kidding? hes prolly not coming... hes prolly just using that to try to get me back under his spell...
im so over that shit.
i want to be happy.
right now im so not.
i feel like my life is living itself. i feel like i dont have anyway to control what is going on. and i hate that. i feel like i cant breathe. with angela there everyday i feel like my space has been invaded. im kinda happy shell be gone soon... is that bad?
i just want whats mine to be mine again. i pay alot of $$$ to have my own space... why am i sharing it?
fuck.
i want to pack up my shit and leave the country. then this shit would stop. no one would follow me that far. if i was in france... i think i might be concocking a plan...
-trish
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